As another 5-week offshore trip looms…


OK I’m leaving tomorrow and I’m not coming back for another 5 weeks.  So what sort of stuff goes through my head?  Well here’s a typical slice:

“Sh*t I wish I could win the National Lottery”

“God please let me win the Lotto and I will forever be your greatest servant.”

“Now would be a good week for that Lotto ticket to come good.”

“I hate leaving Emma.” (my wife)

“I’m going to miss you Poppy.” (my dog)

“Print out my boarding pass.  Hmm, wish I had a wireless printer! Damn it!”

“My boxing gear comes with me in the main cabin. No way am I going to spend 5 weeks without being able to train.  Everything else I can afford to lose if my bag doesn’t show up on the other side.”

“How much time do I have between flights? Can I hit the KLM lounge? Yes there’s enough time to hit that sushi restaurant :)”

“What am I going to eat today because it has to be nice.  It’s the last day at home!  Takeaway?  No bad.  Can’t be bothered we live over a great big hill.”

“Is there anything in the fridge that Emma won’t eat?”

“Emma’s bought 5 donuts.  Got to eat those in one day – they’re no good a day old.”

“How much do I weigh?  75kg.  Hmm OK but I haven’t taken a dump and I’ve drank a lot of fluids.”

“Oh yeah I need to take a dump before I go – no way am I doing a number two on a commercial flight.”

“Do I take my Playstation with me?”

“Wait!… The PS3 or the PS4?  Hmm I may just use it to watch movies. PS3.  Sod it, I’ll take the PS4 – maybe I want to play a game and I’ve barely touched it since I bought it nearly a year ago!”

“I’m going to miss you Poppy.” (My dog… again)

“I swear if I could live again I’d be a boxer, at least my life would be in my own hands.”

“Crap.  Crap. Crap.”

“It pays the bills, it pays the bills.”

“I’ve got a job and I can look after my family.  That’s enough.”

“Poppy we’re walking up the hill later. Look down at the village and my home from the top.  Won’t get a chance to do that for a while.”

“What shall I watch/delete from Sky+ box.  Oh sh*t – I need to watch the recorded Game of Thrones episode 6 before I go.”

“Oh crap I still haven’t finished watching Daredevil Season2 on Netflix.”

“Please God, give me that Lotto win.”